Everyone always told me that life would change when I had children. No duh, of course my life would change. I’ve added new humans to my life and daily routine. There’s no turning back from that.
But, no one told me my friendships would change too.
Our family is the only one with babies in our groups of friends. And it seems those people we know that are starting to have babies have somehow found established groups of people with kids to be friends with.
It’s like seeing someone you know from behind and they’re really far away. You can yell and wave and run after them all you want, but they’re still moving away from you. That’s how I feel. I see people having kids or with kids around my kids’ ages and I feel like I missed making connections with them and their children and now it’s too late.
I have amazing friends who love me and my babies. I can call them about anything at any time and get fantastic support. But there’s something different about a having a mother as a friend—I want someone that I can call when I’m anxious and the baby is screaming and hubby is trying but not in the right ways. Someone who will hear my story, and help me laugh while reminding me I did my best. Someone who will say “Girl. I’ve been there,” and mean it.
In a world full of Mom-shaming, it’s scary as hell reaching out to another mother asking them to be friends. There are so many “hot-button” issues so many moms feel passionately about—vaccinations, breastfeeding v. bottle feeding, etc.—that I’m scared a connection could be made and broken by strong opinions or because I do something they just don’t agree with.
In this age of social media, everyone’s opinions are loud and clear and that’s intimidating. I don’t want to be friends with moms who try and “correct” what they might think I’m doing “wrong”. I want a mom friend who understands that we each do what we think is right for our families. Why can’t mothers be celebrated more for just keeping our tiny humans alive and happy each and every day?
At great personal risk, I’m putting myself out there. I want mom friends. So here it goes, here’s my personal ad.
Mother seeing mother to be friend for life.
- Zero judgement on what our children put in their mouths, how they eat, what they eat, or the condition of my house (which will be a mess).
- Must be comfortable with spit up, blow outs, and a toddler who completely removes all clothing when using the potty by herself.
- Should feel at home in pajamas, dirty hair and nursing tanks.
- Must have the patience to sit through 4-hour Netflix binges of Daniel Tiger.
- Prepared for exciting day trip adventures that usually end in someone throwing a tantrum. Including the ever-popular escapes through Target with Starbucks where the kiddos run free and we pretend we don’t know them for five minutes.
- Ability to drink your coffee and wine out of Sippy cups.
- Professionalism (and the occasional giggle) when using words like “nipple,” “breast pump,” and whatever unique phrase comes out of my child’s mouth today.
- Must run on “mom time,” that is, someone who arrives to any scheduled event approximately 20 minutes late, and is comfortable receiving communication late at night, in the middle of the night, and early in the morning.
- Someone who’s life may be beautiful on Instagram but is crazy, silly, wild and bursting at the seams with joy in real life.
- Someone who will love my kids with the same passion and vibrance as I do.
In return, I promise laughter, loyalty, unlimited changed diapers, two extra hands to hold whatever you need (given those aren’t already holding two little hands) and a shoulder to cry on if you need it.(I also cook.)
So what do you say? Do you wanna be friends?