Today, I’m writing after over a year since my last post.
I want to say getting back to writing has been like riding a bike, that I could pick back up exactly where I left off, but that doesn’t seem accurate. Instead, the more days that passed between my writing days, the harder it became to give it a go again. I took such great pride in my blog and suddenly all that passion for writing it was gone.
I have always been writing, it’s something that usually came as natural to me as walking or making sarcastic comments, so it didn’t make much sense that the compulsion to write my thoughts down just wasn’t there any more.
Looking back at the last two years of posting and not posting, I realized that somewhere I stopped writing for me and started writing for someone else. I was trying so hard to paint a picture of the perfect wife, mother, woman; someone who had the time to pursue her desires and dreams and to put dinner on the table for her kids; I was writing as who I thought you all wanted to read, not as who I actually was.
I was using terms like “joy” and “laugh lines” and while those are all well and good, my life was not this perfect picture I tried to paint. My days were full of working full time at a job I love that takes a lot out of me, and my nights were exhausted in the couch as my kids played and I was lucky if dinner didn’t come from a drive-thru.
I love my husband and this crazy life we have together but I have my days where I feel unsupported, where I’m frustrated with him and that’s okay too. We are aware of the ups and downs of our marriage and we continue to work through them.
I wish my days as a momma were just hugs and kisses and smiles and laughter, but really there’s just a lot of screaming and as a parent I’m just the one who screams the loudest.
I wish my days as a momma were just hugs and kisses and smiles and laughter, but really there’s just a lot of screaming and as a parent I’m just the one who screams the loudest. My motherhood life can be summed up by the moments where I make the conscious decision to let my kids eat those Goldfish off the floor they just threw them on.
I love every funny, stressful, crazy aspect of my life. So why was I so afraid to just share it? There is no normal married life. There are no perfect mothers. Life is full of seasons of joy and seasons of stress.
I want to make it my goal to stop tying to be the person I think you want me to be and be more if who I am. I am a working momma with a whole heck of a lot on my plate and I’m just doing the best I can to barely hold it all together.
I want to be that me for you. The real me.
So welcome back to the Ally Jean Blog, I’m glad you’re here. Let’s get to know each other again.